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having a pretty productive day so far. got a haircut (don't look like a homeless guy so much now), got my oil changed, getting the serpentine belt replaced tomorrow for $40 (much cheaper than it should be because the stupid motor mount is in the way and the mechanic didn't notice that before he quoted the price), dropped off the AIA scholarship application and they took it even though it was a month and a half late, got payed today, bought some new clothes.
Dropped my watch off to get repaired. As comfy as leather bands are compared to metal link ones, they don't last nearly as long b/c of the wear. I like my watch. It's comfy and looks nice. Even got a compliment for it the other day. It's not flashy, but it's very clean and professional looking.
sold my HD satellite reciever for $50 more than I expected to, and my sub is going for a good strong price on ebay, and there's still two days left of the auction, so it should go up a little further. yay!
I've got a lot of cool ideas for paintings, we'll just have to see if I have the technical skill required to pull them off. Next thing to do, aside from paint, is get some portfolio discs made so I can send them to assorted galleries and such. Let's hope it works out, cause this financial instability shit is killing me. Hell, this instability shit in general is killing me.
if meg calls me tonight, I will definitely say that it's been a good day (even though it's been stupidly hot and humid).
Didn't sleep well last night for reasons I don't want to go into. Needless to say though, I really want this to work out with us. If we can get over this, we can get through anything. I just hope I haven't blown it beyond repair.
I'm trying to stay upbeat about things, I really am.
July 24 2005, 04:23:42 UTC 6 years ago
Hypocrisy
"I'd offer to help but I'm currently attached. Unless you want a crazy group thing." This is what you spend your time doing. Bullshitting and keeping up pseudo-relationships with people I don't even know about. Do we have to keep going around and around over the same things? No matter how many times we talk about stuff you exclude me and you don't have appropriate boundaries. At this point you aren't attached and can do whatever you want, but don't be like that and then keep coming after me sounding all sad like you are trying really hard to be with me. No way. You are making me paranoid and crazy. Why does it matter to me? Why am I spending another night trying to figure out where your head is at? Why can't I get a clear and honest answer from talking to you? I believe everything you tell me, so I can't stand to talk to you right now. And I can't clear you out of my head. But this is bad for us. Try to understand and give me a little space, please? Don't keep pressing your case when you obviously aren't clear about what you want and need. Don't keep trying to convince me if you can't offer me what I want and need. I love you so much, and you have humiliated me time and again. I feel so stupid for letting this go so far without demanding that you treat me decently. Please try to get your act together. I don't want to lose you because you're impulsive and horny. I can deal with that. But this going behind my back shit has got to stop. I have to see some real changes and I have to feel that moving forward is the best thing for both of us. That will take some time. I'll be here for you but I need some time to think because even now you just don't seem to have a clue about how inappropriate your actions can be. I'm not going to delete this one. You may need a reminder later: Don't be one way to my face and another way when I'm not in the room. What I have really wanted all along was to be let into your life and to share stuff with you. It's gotta be honest. And remember that I can't hold your actions against you right now, and I don't need any details. But straight up lying to me will not make things better.